Overthinking

Overthinking is rather painful. I’m about to get into a relationship and I keep questioning the smallest things. For once, I wish I could just stop worrying and let things just happen, without caring about the outcome, without caring about what everything means.

It started randomly out of nowhere. We sit in the piano room and suddenly there are questions being whispered into my mind. “Does he like me? Why isn’t he saying anything? Am I making him uncomfortable? Should I say something?” *says something* … *He responds in a tone that makes me worry* “Oh, I shouldn’t have said anything, now I’ve just messed up. I probably sounded stupid. Ughhh, I hope he doesn’t think I’m stupid. Okay, yeah, smiling awkwardly will help, whatever.” *sigh*

And then it’s like, I find out he likes me and then it’s like, “But, does he really? Is he just saying that? Maybe he feels bad for me… Should I ask him if he’s serious? But what if he is… maybe I’d offend him for doubting him.. Why does he like me? I usually don’t talk much, so I’m not really that entertaining. Heavier than a lot of the girls… Is he playing with me? Is this real? Should I just disregard it and act friendly towards him? But I really like him.”

IT. IS. MISERABLE.  And seriously, when I look at this as I type it, I think, “Man, if some person went up to me and started freaking out like that, I’d be confused as to why they’re worrying so much. I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it? He says he’s going to tell it how it is and you still question him? Shouldn’t you trust him?”, but here I am, being a freaking hypocrite.

But will this make sense though? Like, we talked a lot in the beginning and now it’s like, we barely talk and I don’t know if we are actually running out of things to talk about or if it’s because he’s losing interest. But he didn’t even respond to my last message and I don’t know if I should message him or something because I don’t want to appear clingy. Mind you, the message was sent about 12 hours ago. But he still pokes me on facebook, like, our poke-war is still continuing. And I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow during endeavor. I am FREAKING the heck out. Bleeehhhh…

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